By Sydney Smith LPC, LADC, NCGC-II

A gambling problem can be difficult to detect

It isn't difficult to determine if a person has a gambling problem. The signs of a gambling addiction or gambling problem are likely apparent to significant others surrounding the person with a gambling addiction. But to the gambling addict who's enmeshed in the world of betting, it's often difficult to see things clearly.

Problem Gambling can be hidden for a long time which often makes it very difficult to detect. By the time the problem surfaces and the family finds out, the devastation and wreckage can be tremendous. Family members tend to know that something is wrong with their loved one but due to gambling addiction’s invisible nature, especially in the early stages of the disease, it can be extremely hard to identify.

• Gambling until all of your money is gone. Borrowing money, selling possessions or not paying bills in order to pay for gambling. Needing to gamble with larger amounts of money or for a longer time to get the same feeling of excitement or buzz. Neglecting work, school, family, personal needs or household responsibilities because of gambling.
• Talk to them about their problem. If you want to help a compulsive gambler, you may need to discuss the problem. This may be when you start to see a pattern of behavior leading to compulsive gambling or after the person has gotten into trouble due to their gambling.
• The more a person swears they don’t have a problem – gambling or alcohol or drugs or other addictive behavior – the more likely it is that they do. Lie #2: I can stop anytime I want. Confronting a compulsive gambler – calling him or her on the indisputable facts that indicate gambling has become an addictive behavior – will usually.
• When you have a gambling addiction, you prefer if it remains in the shadows. As a result, you start lying to friends and family about the extent of your addiction, and you certainly downplay your losses. In Tony’s case, he was gambling while getting married in Cyprus, and lied to his new bride about it! Gambling to Forget.

In this article, we will discuss the signs and symptoms of, and ways to identify if your loved one has a gambling problem. Then, we’ll invite your questions about how to get help at the end.

Determining if there is a gambling problem

As a family member, we may or may not know the extent of the gambling problem or how long gambling has been an issue for our loved one. We may know about the gambling, but still have much uncertainty as to whether there is a gambling problem. So if you are asking yourself,

“How do I know if my loved one is a problem gambler?”

…the following are questions and information that may help determine if there is a gambling problem.

SIGN 1: Time away. If I know the person is gambling, the amount of time spent gambling or engaged in gambling activities increases. The gambler can be gone for long unaccounted for periods of time.

When the gambler in my life gambled, he often gambled while he was at work. So, in the early stages I did not know how much time he actually spent gambling. As his gambling worsened, he would not come home from work and would disappear for 24 hours at a time.

SIGN 2: Obsession to find money. Is the gambler becoming preoccupied or obsessed with obtaining money to gamble or thoughts of gambling? The great obsession can be on coming up with ways to borrow money, taking out loans, pawning items for cash, or planning their next bet.

Living with a gambler in the past, I would frequently have jewelry missing or items of value just disappear. Later I would learn that my gambler would pawn these items to obtain gambling money or to chase his losses. Later in the progression of the disease, the gambler may be physically present but not there, as the mind is preoccupied with gambling.

SIGN 3: Emotional volatility. Does the gambler have moods swings or gambles as a means to cope or change feelings? A gambler deep into his addiction can exhibit mood swings similar to those of a person diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. The extreme up and down in moods can be hard on both the gambler and the family members. The “up” moods can follow a win, and the gambler may even brag about the winnings. The “down” mood can be very depressive and the gambler may experience anxious or depressed mood, anger, and become irritable.

Gambling is used to change the way the person is feeling and the family members may hear the gambler make statements such as, “I had a stressful day at work and I just need to go gamble to unwind”.

SIGN 4: New secrets. Are there secretive behaviors or hiding? Is the gambler becoming very secretive in his actions and with his money? Hiding of gambling wins or losses, hiding lottery tickets, tax documents, etc. becomes common.

In my therapy practice, I often hear the spouses say, “I found payday loan papers, or while cleaning, I found ATM receipts from the casino.”. The family may begin to lose trust for the gambler as the hiding, concealing, and lying about gambling grows.

20 questions to ask yourself

These are a few of the more noticeable warning signs one may experience with the gambler. In addition, Gam-Anon created a simple list of 20 questions for family members to ask themselves.

Family members of problem gamblers will answer “YES” to at least seven of the twenty questions.

1. Do you find yourself constantly bothered by bill collectors?
2. Is the person in question often away from home for long unexplained periods of time?
3. Does this person ever lose time from work due to gambling?
4. Do you feel that this person cannot be trusted with money?
5. Does this person promise that he or she will stop gambling, yet gambles again and again?
6. Does this person ever gamble longer than he or she intended?
7. Does this person immediately return to gambling to try to recover losses or to win more?
8. Does this person ever gamble to get money to solve financial difficulties?
9. Does this person borrow money to gamble with or to pay gambling debts?
10. Has this person’s reputation ever suffered due to gambling?
11. Have you come to the point of hiding money needed for living expenses?
12. Do you search this person’s clothing, go through his or her wallet, or check on his or her activities?
13. Do you hide his or her money?
14. Have you noticed personality changes in him or her?
15. Does this person consistently lie to cover up or deny his or her gambling activities?
16. Does this person use guilt induction as a method of shifting responsibility for his or her gambling onto you?
17. Do you attempt to anticipate this person’s moods to try to control his or her life?
18. Does this person ever suffer from remorse or depression due to gambling sometimes to the point of self-destruction?
19. Have you ever threatened to break up the family because of the gambling?
20. Do you feel that your life together is a nightmare?

What can you do next?

This list can be found on the Gam-Anon website or in Gam-Anon published literature. If you can identify with any of the information listed above:

• Continue to educate yourself about gambling addiction through resources and literature.
• Reach out to a trained professional.
• Attend a Gam-Anon or any 12-step support meeting for friends and family of addicts.

If we believe our loved one has a gambling addiction, it is OK to encourage them to seek help, however, it is vitally important for us as family members to seek out our own help. We are not alone, there is hope, and life can get better.

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About the Author: Sydney Smith, CEO of RISE Center For Recovery in Las Vegas, Nevada, is a psychotherapist and Internationally Certified Gambling Counselor, currently active in her practice which has a specialty focus on the treatment of problem gamblers and their family members. She also works as a researcher with the Desert Research Institute in Las Vegas, NV. She was the 2016 recipient of the Shannon L. Bybee Award.

Last updated: 10/25/2018
Author: Addictions.com Medical Review

Reading Time: 4minutes

Compulsive gambling is often referred to as a “silent killer” simply because an addiction to gambling does not always readily stand out. The signs of gambling addiction are often overlooked as something else such as a desire to play games, an urge to win money or anything but a compulsive disorder that is out of control. Often times, the desire to gamble is so strong and the addiction is so serious that severe personal and social consequences, even death, can result.

It may be difficult to recognize the signs of gambling addiction for one reason or another. According to the US National Library of Medicine, chronic gamblers often lead seemingly normal lives but in the background, there is a serious problem at hand. Eventually, the addiction will cause destructive outcomes and there will be no mistaking the signs of gambling addiction; at that point, the biggest concern will be where to find help.

1. Obsession with Gambling

Stealing in order to gamble is a sign of addiction.

One of the most common signs of gambling addiction is the obsession that comes with it. Gambling addicts are obsessed with gambling and may be preoccupied with gambling to a point in which they don’t care about anything else. Compulsive thoughts about gambling or gambling obsessively to a point in which it causes other problems in your life are just a few of the common signs of gambling addiction.

2. Unable to Stop Gambling

Have you tried to quit gambling, made an honest commitment to quit and failed? If you are unable to stop gambling despite your desire to do so, you could be a gambling addict. The inability to quit even when you want to is one of many signs of gambling addiction that most addicts tend to immediately overlook or write off as something else.

3. Gambling Despite Consequences

Has gambling caused problems in your life such as financial difficulties, loss of a job or relationship problems? Many addicts and their loved ones tend to overlook even the most prominent signs of gambling addiction such as those which are present when excessive gambling is causing consequences in life and yet the individual continues to gamble anyway.

How Do I Know If I've Got A Gambling Problem Involving

4. Psychological Withdrawal when NOT Gambling

Sometimes, the signs of gambling addiction are very similar to the signs of other addictions such as a drug or alcohol addiction. Psychologically, when a gambling addict is not gambling, he or she may be irritable, depressed or restless. These are all signs of emotional withdrawal which results when an addict is obsessed with gambling and has a perceived “need” to gamble in order to be happy.

5. Gambling to Improve Happiness

Do you or does someone you know seemingly gamble in order to be happy or have fun? If gambling is a necessary component of your happiness or elevated mood, there’s a good chance that gambling addiction is to blame. This is one of many commonly overlooked signs of gambling addiction that both addicts and those who are close to them tend to mistake for some other problem. Gambling to mask problems, feel happy or otherwise improve your emotions is a sure sign that there is a bigger problem at hand.

6. Stealing or Otherwise Breaking the Law to Gamble

An addict will often break the law in order to have the money that they need to gamble or to recover their losses. Stealing, committing fraud or otherwise breaking the law to fuel the habit are all signs of gambling addiction that should not be overlooked and which could lead to greater consequences including jail time or probation.

7. Denying that there is a Problem

Denial is a common sign of addiction and to state that there is not a problem when there really is happens to be common ground amongst addicts. If you suspect that a loved one has a gambling problem and you have hard evidence to back it up yet he or she continues to deny the problem, it could be time to seek professional help.

8. Financial Problems

How Do I Know If I've Got A Gambling Problem Even

One of the most prevalent signs of gambling addiction is financial problems that result from the compulsive gambling disorder. A friend may all off a sudden have problems with his or her personal finances or they may ask to borrow money often. Compulsive gamblers depend on others to provide them with money either to gamble or to pay expenses because they lost their money gambling.

9. Mood Swings

Compulsive gambling, especially when the gambling takes place as part of a double life in which friends and family are unaware, can lead to excessive mood swings. Mood swings are often overlooked or mistaken for upset that is not the result of the addiction but most often, mood swings are one of the signs of gambling addiction that should be spotted early on.

10. Hiding Gambling Behavior

How Do I Know If I've Got A Gambling Problem Solving

As compulsive gambling progresses, and the addict comes under scrutiny from his or her friends or family members, it is not uncommon for the addict to begin hiding gambling behaviors. Hiding the behavior is one of the more common signs of gambling addiction and also one that’s really hard for outsiders to spot because they don’t know what’s going on—but for the addict, recognizing that it’s wrong to hide behaviors from loved ones is a step in the right direction when it comes to finding help for a compulsive gambling disorder.